Thursday, March 22, 2012

Spending Fast: Day Twenty-Two

Spring has officially arrived--- though with the weather we've been having, it would seem spring came quite some time ago. I've tried to make the most of it by enjoying meals on the grill and playing catch in the park.

I made two "purchases" using my gift cards. Though I could have made it to the end of the month without milk and peanut butter, it will do wonders for my mood to have them around. I used a little over $5 of my $10 grocery gift card. Then I went to Target and used $6 of the $8 or so left on my gift card balance. I used it to pick up a Pyrex storage container. It's a lovely round glass bowl with a tight-fitting lid, and hold all of the lunches I bring to work. I can stuff a large salad in there, or bring leftovers to re-heat in the microwave (after all, heating foods in plastic containers is risky, since toxins from the plastic can melt into your food).

Despite the gorgeous weather and the seemingly overwhelming success of my Spending Fast thus far, I can't seem to feel confident about my current standings. I am becoming increasingly concerned about my upcoming surgery. The operation itself is less of an issue than the connecting factors.

For example, my to-do list at home has grown quite long. It takes much more time to perform simple household tasks than it used to. I can't carry heavy or large items because my weak knee can't hold the weight and it keeps me off-balance. My knee gets tight because I have to lock it in order to bend over when picking up items I have dropped. I don't have a handicapped parking permit, so I sometimes have to walk to my office from the far lot, which takes about ten minutes.

To compensate for my knee injury, I tend to lean on my good leg more often and sit when I can, as standing makes my both of legs tired (the bad leg due to weakness, and the good leg due to overuse). This has caused my body to shift, and now everything is out of whack. I have chronic pain in my lower back, shoulders, and neck. These body aches have caused restlessness and poor sleep.

Work is also getting overwhelming. Knowing I will be absent for about two months has me scrambling to get as much done ahead of time as possible, yet new assignments keep coming in. Job security is also an issue; I worry that I will somehow be seen as expendable during my sabbatical. Most of the time, my supervisor gets credit for what I do, so many don't know when the work actually comes from me. I'm just not really sure what to expect when I am recovering.

Also, what will happen post-surgery? The amazing beau is stepping up yet again, offering to help me out every day when he finishes work. But what about during the day? My parents live over one hundred miles away. In the early stages of healing, I won't be able to get out of bed to do anything without help from someone. And where am I going to get a temporary bed to install on the main floor of my home? Navigating stairs is out of the question, and the only restroom in my house is on the ground level.

There's a lot to think about, a lot to do, and I feel rather helpless. One of the few elements of my life that actually seems controllable at this point is my (lack of) spending. It's a way of coping with this time of uncertainty in my life.

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